The Royal Wedding from Hell Read online

CHAPTER FOUR

  The helicopter landed in the courtyard of Buckingham Palace. The Duke of Edinburgh was first down the steps and charged towards the helicopter while its blades still whirred.

  “Where is she?” cried Prince Phillip as the group stumbled out of the helicopter. “Where’s my bloody wife? Where’s the Queen?”

  He stopped in his tracks as he saw Harry’s crestfallen face and the sword in his hand. He saw the Duchess of Cambridge being supported by her sister, both with tears in their eyes.

  “Oh dear Lord,” he exclaimed, “not Wills. Not Wills too.” The old man sagged and Princess Anne quickly reached out to support him. Phillip looked at Andrew, who had climbed from the cockpit.

  Andrew came over to his father and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Wills gave his life to save us. Only Excalibur could have held off Le Fay and as the heir, only he could wield it”.

  There was a vicious crack of thunder. A crimson bolt sizzled overhead and was dispersed by the magical shields around the Palace, although sparks of red energy continued to crackle through the air.

  “But Le Fay’s not dead,” said Phillip.

  “Don’t blame Wills,” said Kate. “He saved us.”

  “Oh my dear,” said Phillip reaching out to the girl he thought of as his granddaughter, “I’m not blaming him. He gave his life, as did Charles and, it seems, as did my Elizabeth.”

  Harry was jolted from the shock of losing his brother. “What do you mean? What about Gran? She said she was going to transfer from the Tate Modern?”

  Phillip rubbed a hand across his face. “She changed her mind. She was going to transfer to the Abbey, she sensed you needed her. But…”

  There were more cracks of thunder and more crimson lightning. The magical shields were showing strain. The bright blue sky above the Palace was starting to darken. Yellow wisps of cloud were gathering.

  Andrew looked up warily. “It makes sense now,” he said. “Without Mama, the power of Buckingham Palace is severely weakened. Without a Queen we’re as good as done for.”

  Phillip found new energy. Where his back had slumped before, his spine was now a rod of iron. “By God, we’ll go down fighting,” he thundered.

  Kate wiped away her tears and stood tall, next to the Duke of Edinburgh. “And who says we have no Queen. If the Queen was gone, then Wills was King and that made me his Queen. And I may have lost my husband, my King, but I am still Queen bloody Catherine.” She thumped her left hand, with Diana’s ring starting to glow again, into her right. “And if Le Fay wants to bring it here, then let her fucking come.”

  “Oh yes,” said Pippa, inspired by the fire in Phillip’s eyes and the steel in Kate’s voice, “this isn’t lost yet.” She looked at the huge building that surrounded them. “You must have some weapons in this place, surely? We’re going to need guns. Lots of guns.”

  Harry clicked his fingers. “Weapons? We’ve got the best weapon of all. Merlin.”

  “Some nickname for a really big gun?” asked Chelsy.

  “No, Merlin. The Merlin, the greatest wizard of any age, could kick Potter, Voldemort and Dumbledore’s nuts into a hat before breakfast. We’ve got Merlin. At least, we’ve got his head. But that should be enough. He defeated Le Fay before. And he’ll do it again.”

  Harry picked up Excalibur with fresh purpose and walked towards the door.

  They called it the Balcony Room. Its double doors opened out onto the balcony from where generations of British Royalty had waved to the masses.

  “Why here?” asked Pippa, not looking at Harry, or to be precise, not wanting to look at the thing he held in his arms.

  “Because it’s the heart and soul of the nation, darling,” wheezed Merlin. “To turn Le Fay’s evil around, we need to channel power. And so much has been channeled through here: coronations, weddings, the big jubilees, even VE Day. It’s all flowed through the balcony. This will be the last part of the Palace to fall. So this is the best place to fight back.”

  The thunder and lightning came faster and faster. The great, solid walls of the Palace shook with each ominous crack. The gardens were full of craters from the lightning bolts. The walls still held enough power to keep the demonic hordes at bay, but everyone in the Palace could feel the malignant will of Le Fay baring upon them.

  “Do we really need to go out there?” asked Chelsy.

  “Oh yes,” said Kate, “this is where Le Fay wants to fight so let’s go and have it.”

  The Duchess of Cambridge stepped up to the doors.

  “Oh wow,” she said as she looked through the curtains at the carnage beyond. She pushed open the doors and stepped through.

  London was burning. The yellow clouds, lit up with orange flame and red lightning, cast a sick and bloody pall across the city. The sky above the Palace was the only place with any blue, yet even that was being infiltrated by ever growing masses of cloud.

  In the distance, many of the tower blocks of the city were aflame, adding great columns of black to the oppressive skies. Nearer by, Kate could see that Nelson’s column was gone from view.

  The trees of the park to either side of the Mall were on fire or uprooted.

  The destruction of London was appalling, but the hideous mob was far more terrifying. The demons were crammed all the way from Admiralty Arch, overwhelming the Victoria memorial and jammed up against the Palace gates.

  A mere few hours before those millions of people had been celebrating the wedding. Now they had been twisted into monsters, baying for blood.

  A now familiar screech filled the air and the huge form of Le Fay swooped overhead. It had been growing. The creature settled on top of the Victoria memorial. Kate was pleased to see that it had to balance on one claw; the one Wills had hacked through remained a bloody stump.

  It stretched its neck out and extended its wings with more screeching. The demonic horde was driven to a frenzy. Kate could see many being pushed against the gates, their black blood spurting through the iron posts as their bodies were crushed by the unstoppable weight of the horde behind them.

  Harry carried the head of Merlin forward. Pippa brought the pedestal out and Harry placed Merlin upon it so that he could look straight at his nemesis. Harry felt Excalibur suddenly become warm in the scabbard at his side.

  “Well, come on then,” said Phillip, “do something. You’re out of the vault. Destroy the bitch.”

  Merlin gave a low, unpleasant laugh. “You never liked me, did you Phil?”

  Kate could not take her eyes off Le Fay. Her left hand was shaking as she felt the power of Diana’s ring building.

  “Do as you’re bloody told,” said Phillip to the grim skull.

  “You asked for it,” replied Merlin.

  The skull opened its mouth and screamed. Chelsy stumbled back clutching her ears. It was a ragged fingernail scraping down her soul. Loud booms echoed through the air as flaming cracks of white light sparked across the sky.

  Le Fay shrieked again and jumped forward. She swooped forward and slammed her body against the magical shield that extended above the gates. There was a crackle and burst of energy and the giant winged serpent flew through. With howls of bloodthirsty triumph, the weight of the demon horde, now unfettered by the magical shields, caused the gates to crumple. Hundreds of demons were trampled. Thousands more came surging forward.

  “Feel it?” roared Merlin.

  “Jesus,” cried Harry. The scabbard crackled then briefly burst into flame before evaporating altogether. He brought the sword up, barely able to look at the bright glowing blade.

  “A thousand years of power,” Merlin shrieked, “all flowing now. The energy of thousands of men and women, captured by Le Fay’s sculpture, all twisted and brought back to me. The death of the monarch, the death of my jailer. At last I am free. Free to wield the power that is now rightfully mine. The power to rule!”

  Le Fay came diving in, her crimson maw full of venomous fangs lunging towards Kate.

  Harry tried to step in, swing
ing Excalibur but he felt a wall of heat come from Merlin.

  “Only the monarch can wield Excalibur, boy,” laughed Merlin.

  Kate did not flinch. The monstrous head of Le Fay plunged at her face. Kate’s left hook was as powerful as her right hook, but now imbued with the energy of Princess Diana’s ring.

  The blue sapphire broke Le Fay’s skull. Black blood and sizzling yellow venom sprayed from the wound and the creature slammed into the balcony. Everyone but Harry and Kate were thrown back by the impact.

  The creature clung on to the balcony. Beneath, thousands of the demons had charged and were jumping and grasping to get up. Windows were being smashed below. The monsters were penetrating the Palace.

  Kate stepped up to the serpentine monster, reached out and pulled the broken head towards her. It had partially transformed back into the more human form of Le Fay.

  “No,” it shrieked.

  Kate spat in its face, then pulled back her left fist again and punched it.

  The punch, filled with power, tore the head clean off. It rolled through the air, dissolving into black spray. The body toppled from the balcony and onto the demons below. Some were crushed by it; others leapt on it and started feeding.

  A powerful rush of warm air hit Kate and she was thrown to the floor.

  “Thanks love,” shouted Merlin, above the noise of the demonic frenzy. “Now all of the power is mine. Not even Diana’s ring can stop me now.” Red lightning rained down, blasting at the wings of the Palace. The blue sky was almost completely gone.

  Fragments of stonework were falling from the shaking Palace, tumbling towards Merlin’s skull. Some stuck to the skull, forming flesh and skin. Larger chunks built a backbone, starting to form a skeleton and body.

  Infernal heat rippled out from the growing form of Merlin’s body. The curtains of the balcony room burst into flame. The surviving family, all in the Balcony Room scrambled back.

  Andrew reached for the door out to the main corridor. He opened it, looked out and was met by demonic roars. Ragged undead lurched towards him, spitting their black bile. He slammed the door again. In moments the doors were being hammered by the monsters outside. Inside the balcony room, flames started to lick along the cornice of the high ceiling. The heat made Andrew fall to the floor, where he joined the rest of the group. Through the shimmering haze and billowing smoke, he could make out a towering figure on the balcony.

  Pippa was stretched out on the floor. She tried to see through the smoke and haze: tried to see her sister. The smoke swirled and she caught a glimpse of Kate’s leg. She started to crawl forward, trying to ignore the awesome heat, trying to ignore the pain and the blisters. Her throat burned, her body was in agony, but still she would make it to her sister. Kate would not die alone. Harry’s voice suddenly broke through the hammering of the horde, the crackle of the flames and the roaring heat.

  “God damn you, Merlin,” he shouted, “you obey me. I command you to pull back. I command you to destroy the demons and suck the power back in.”

  The glass of the floor to ceiling windows shattered, and Pippa had to bury her face in the ash-covered carpet to avoid being hit by it. She raised her head to see Merlin, towering over Harry, who was on the floor, propped up by one arm and pointing at the wizard with Excalibur.

  Smoke swirled around Merlin, forming into a thick, black cloak, streaked with red fire. His body was clad in black armour. His head was no longer a grim, skinless skull, but covered in thick, white hair with a beard that stretched to his waist. His eyes were black, like Le Fay’s possessed demons. He threw back his head and laughed.

  “Only the monarch commands me,” he roared. “The Queen is dead. The Prince of Wales is dead. The Duke of Cambridge is dead. I rule now.”

  “No,” coughed Pippa, “Harry is King now. You obey him...” A sudden revelation shook her.

  She felt the pain leave her. The heat receded. Pippa stood up. The room was still ablaze. The rest of the survivors still cowered on the floor, overwhelmed by the heat and evil energy.

  Pippa stepped over to Merlin, reached up and tapped him on the shoulder. The wizard turned his head.

  “Of course,” she said to Merlin, but loud enough for Harry to hear, “if you won’t obey Harry, then he can’t be King. Which means, at least one of the others are alive.”

  Merlin turned to face her fully. He raised his gauntleted hands. Flames crackled between his fingers. “Time to die, young lady,” he said.

  “This isn’t real, Harry,” said Pippa, “at least, not real real.”

  Harry, who had nearly passed out from the terrible heat, tried to understand her.

  “You explained it to me, Harry,” said Pippa. “It’s where myth meets reality. Myth can become real. If it’s strong enough it can be real real. But until they are real real, then the myth can go back to being just that. The real and the myth can exist together, one on top of the other.

  “And that’s what’s happening here. If this was real real, then the Queen, Prince Charles and Wills would be really dead and you’d be King, and Merlin would have to obey you.”

  Merlin’s confidence was fading. The power at his fingertips was being reduced to the barest sparks. The solid, black armour was beginning to crack.

  “But Merlin isn’t obeying you, which means the others are still alive, or at worst, only dead in myth. This isn’t real real yet.”

  Harry felt the heat fade away. He stood up. The sky was still filled with boiling clouds and red lightning; monsters were still assaulting the Palace and smashing their way through to the Balcony Room. But right there, on the balcony with Pippa and Merlin, Harry realised what reality was. He blinked to see the shadowy figure of the Queen, in her best wedding clothes, standing nearby.

  “Well done, Miss Middleton,” she said with a smile.

  Kate had risen to join her sister. She could see Wills stood between Merlin and the balcony balustrade. He was hazy, not as defined as the Queen. Pippa and Harry didn’t notice him; Kate realised they couldn’t see him. She stepped towards her husband.

  In Harry’s hand, Excalibur was glowing.

  “Only the monarch can wield Excalibur,” said Merlin, “you are the King. The rest are dead.” He lunged at Harry, flames roaring up again from his hands.

  Harry struck back; driving the sword into Merlin’s chest. The wizard slumped to his knees. Chunks of his armour broke free, crumbling as they hit the ground. His beard and hair withered back, his skin melted away, leaving just the hideous skull.

  “How little you understand,” said the still hazy form of the Queen. “The power of the monarchy is held by far more than one person. Excalibur serves those who use it for the nation and for justice.”

  Harry twisted the sword and Merlin’s body broke apart. The skull bounced to the floor.

  “I’m not beaten yet,” hissed Merlin.

  The doors to the Balcony Room finally gave in and dozens of howling demons stormed through. Andrew, Anne, Chelsy and the others tried to rise as the room burned around them. The demons weren’t held back by the flames. Even as they caught fire, their blood frenzy drove them on. The others fell beneath the onslaught.

  “But this is not real. That is,” said the Queen pointing towards the hazy form of Wills and Kate stepping up next to him.

  Wills grew more solid and smiling. Kate’s wedding dress reformed around her.

  A demon lunged at Pippa and she kicked it back. Another jumped at Harry and he slashed it through with Excalibur. There were a dozen more to take their place.

  Wills and Kate kissed.

  Harry blinked sweat from his eyes and looked out from the balcony. A million people packed the Mall, all the way back to Admiralty Arch. A million people waved flags and cheered. He looked to the side and saw Wills and Kate kissing. Wills’ goddaughter was clearly not impressed by the noise. In front of Harry was the beautiful form of Pippa, in her figure-hugging white dress. Her bum looked awesome. He leaned forward.

  “You do look re
ally beautiful today, seriously,” he said.

  Pippa turned her head. “I always look better when there aren’t hordes of monsters attacking me.”

  Harry stifled his laugh. He caught his Grandmother’s eye. She smiled and gave both of them a respectful nod.

  The Queen stepped through the carnage of Buckingham Palace with Prince Phillip close behind.

  “Little bastards,” muttered the Duke, “no bloody respect. Look at this place.” He kicked an empty tequila bottle aside. There was a giggle in the room to his left. A girl, clad only in bright blue pants and bra, backed out of the room and into the Duke.

  She looked round, laughing, but then stopped as she saw who she’d bumped into.

  The Queen sighed. “Young lady, have you seen Prince Harry?”

  The girl gave an embarrassed curtsy. “I think he’s in the Balcony Room, Ma’am.”

  “Thank you, Miss Chambers. I trust you will be helping to clean up later?”

  “Of course, Ma’am,” she said.

  The Queen and Prince Phillip arrived at the Balcony room. A pair of legs jutted out from beneath a piano. Phillip kicked them.

  Harry, wearing nothing but a leopard skin posing pouch, crawled out. He looked rough.

  “Ah Gran,” he said, “don’t worry, we’ll have it all sorted out in no time.”

  Phillip shoved a sword into Harry’s hand. “Come on, party boy,” he said. “One thing to sort out now.”

  The three stood in the vault, in front of the pedestal. The heavy black cloth covered the thing that stood on it. Harry wished they’d have let him get dressed. He didn’t feel like facing the wizard that had nearly destroyed the nation and world in just his underpants. And the vault was cold.

  The Queen whipped the cloth away and poked Merlin in the centre of the forehead.

  He coughed and snarled. The boggly, glass eyes swivelled between the Queen, Phillip and Harry. They settled on the sword in Harry’s hands.

  “I would say it’s been a pleasure Liz,” said Merlin, “but frankly, it hasn’t.”

  “You have my apologies, Merlin, we should have done this centuries ago,” said the Queen.

  “I was close though,” said Merlin, “wasn’t I? If the demons had got Pippa and Harry, if the demons had got Kate, what then?”

  “Too much faith in hate and violence,” said the Queen. “They’ll only get you so far. But the kiss? Everything came down to the kiss.”

  “Next time,” he muttered.

  “I think not,” said the Queen. She stood back.

  Harry stepped forward raising Excalibur. Merlin looked at him. Harry looked back. He brought the sword down with enough force to send a painful jar back up his arms. The skull was smashed into fragments, which crumbled to dust then dissolved to nothing.

  The Queen looked at Harry. “Well done,” she said. Harry smiled with pride. The Queen’s expression changed. “Now get dressed and clean up my Palace. I’ll be in my lounge, watching the racing.”

  ****

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Richard Barnes lives in Wellington, New Zealand and writes sci-fi, fantasy, horror and whatever else comes to mind. His short stories feature in "Masters of Horror: The Anthology", "A Foreign Country: New Zealand Speculative Fiction" and most recently, "Tales from the Bell Club."

  His occasional ramblings are posted to https://richardbarneswriter.blogspot.co.nz

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